How to Spend 48 Hours in Montreal

4:37 p.m. Friday Silken Canadian banknotes move between thumb and forefinger as you nod in a jocular manner to the grinning porter at your hotel, here at last.

Which hotel you ask? What city am I in? Montreal hey, I'm not sure I consented to being on this trip, listen, now what's this all about?

My sincere apologies dear reader but as is often the case in the career of a scrivener like myself (and I use the term career with the greatest generosity), one can't decide where to begin. You've now been thoroughly gnashed by the Scylla of jumping straight in.

Of course, I could start with my own life-long love affair with Montreal, of bleary childhood memories eating at fine restaurants with my godparents (with the entire question of ordering and paying settled in French mind you) and then go on to the years I spent taking my degrees there and finally bring you up to date with my present posture of quarterly romps around La Belle Ville. But this Charybdis would take time (much much time) and what I suspect you'd really like to know is How to Spend 48 Hours in Montreal and perhaps why I consider it a civic duty to instruct you. I will attempt a middle course.

With the possible exception of La Serenisima, no city has so utterly charmed me so much as Montreal. There is as much elevated dining and fun (trouble) to be found in Montreal as in New York or London at a third the cost (if there was a way to keep this shabby, commercial inducement out of the last sentence I would but alas). I digress.

4:37 p.m. Friday Silken Canadian banknotes move between thumb and forefinger as you nod in a jocular manner to the grinning porter at your hotel, here at last.

Which hotel you ask?

I was about to come to that. I would advise you to stay downtown. It is centrally located and in between the two neighborhoods where I suggest you ought to go for a stroll and a nosh (Le Plateau and Little Burgundy). I would recommend four options of varying price and character, all eminently serviceable for your needs.

1. The Ritz-Carlton located on Sherbrooke Street (Montreal's closest approximation to New York's Park Avenue not to be confused with Avenue du Parc another charming if less august street in Montreal) is the iconic downtown grand hotel. One of the most famous scene's from Mordecai Richler's incomparable Barney's Version is set in the ballroom. If you've got it, spend it here. I'm currently looking at what it would cost to stay for the weekend and after taxes and fees it comes to $1,064.98 for a basic room (all the rooms there are absolutely cavernous). An equivalent room (and by that I mean a room half the size but with a window) at the same hotel in New York is $2,740 for the weekend (this is the last hotel quote I'll be sharing).
2. Birks Hotel is in the similarly bien connu Birks Jewlery building. It's a wonderfully executed boutique hotel - less pricey than the Ritz and Restaurant Henri may be the most charming room in the Montreal (or in the nation of Canada for that matter).
3. The Sofitel is across the street from the Ritz, with all the modern amenities you would expect at a fine hotel. The rooms are spacious (if not exactly attractive) and modern. The food at the restaurant is excellent and commands wonderful views. And you can pop across the street to enjoy the more exquisite high-life at the Ritz anytime you like.
4. The Delta Hotel has a terrific location and what you would expect from an upscale business hotel. There is no pretension to charm. Not that this matters, as you will be out and about.

6:00 p.m. Friday Your companion and yourself have bathed and dressed and are ready to strike out in search of pleasure. But what you really need right now is a tissue-restorer. If the weather be cold, the path of wisdom leads to the bar at Hotel Birk's or the Ritz, whichever is closer. You may have one of three beverages and I will misquote Dr. Johnson on the matter.

Sir, champagne is the liquor for boys; Caesars (a Canadian Bloody Mary), for men; but he who aspires to be a hero (smiling) must drink Hartinis (named for my Canadian godfather and is made by swirling vermouth into a glass before tossing it out then pouring in three ounces of brutally shaken gin, serve straight up or on the rocks).

7:30 p.m. Friday Burning as you are by now with all that is good, it's time for you to make your way to where the real business of the evening will be happening and that is in Little Burgundy (or Saint Henri). I insist you eat a decadent meal in one of the following locations (you should make a reservation a month in advance to get a prime slot).

• Liverpool House is probably my favorite restaurant in the world. It's where Trudeau and Obama had dinner when the (former) President was in town for a speech.
• Joe Beef is Liverpool house's "big brother" with a slightly more ostentatious, upscale version of the same menu. It is one of the best restaurants in Canada.
• Nora Gray is A pasta-focused but French-influenced restaurant with similar DNA to Liverpool and Joe Beef. Every meal I've had there has been extraordinary. They have a very strong Italian wine list.
• Vin Papillon by the same owners as the two above has a focus on vegetarian dishes and natural wine. If you're not into obscene quantities of beef and lobster (the lord protect you), I would make your way here.
• Tuck Shop is a tremendous French-Canadian influenced restaurant down the street from the Joe Beef empire. It's less fussy and more low-key. The food is divine.
• Satay Bros is an inexpensive yet delicious and lively Singaporean restaurant across from the Atwater Market. The steam buns and laksa are must-haves.

10:00 p.m. Friday You stumble contentedly into the Montreal evening your belly and brain awash with voluptuous delicacies and fortifying drink. You ought to make your way back to the Hotel for a sleep but if you insist on a nightcap you could do worse than the following:

• Atwater Cocktail Club is the neighborhood speakeasy.
• Loic is a charming neighborhood wine bar which occasionally becomes a bit of disco after 11, excellent cocktails and atmosphere. Beware, you could wander in for a swift one and find yourself being turfed out after last call only a few hours before the dawn.
• The Burgundy Lion, an institution without any effort towards taste or authenticity, is a patently fake British pub but has (remarkably) stood the test of time.

10:00 a.m. Saturday Perhaps you behaved abstemiously yestereve and are feeling refreshed after a languid sleep-in. Perhaps you were out on the tiles and are feeling like the last judgement (you lout!). Regardless, it is time for a ramble and a feed.

It is always my policy when visiting a foreign city to do as much flaneur-ing (strolling aimlessly while maintaining a dignified, unhurried demeanor) as possible during daylight hours. You ought to give your Saturday to this noble pursuit and there is no better quartier in which to do this than Le Plateau or more specifically the "Mile End".

Feed, the promise of food has been hanging over your mind for at least a paragraph. If you've been following my advice, chances are that you are staying somewhere with an excellent brunch option. If you're like me and you've been dining at Liverpool House followed by a thorough reconnaissance of Loic, you are probably in need of a walk to stiffen the sinews for brunch. If you're one of those who simply will not face the day without doing battle with knife and fork, here is my advice:

• Henri (the restaurant at Hotel Birks) in mid-fall through spring is your best choice particularly if you didn't pop over there for a drink on your way to dinner last night. It is one of the most beautiful rooms in the country and will provide you with a perfect smoked salmon bagel or Benedict.
• Maison Boulud (the restaurant at the Ritz) in summer through early fall, their exquisite garden and pond are something out of Kubla Kahn. It is luxurious on an oriental scale (and the pricing is commensurately ruinous). Food, service, drink are simply divine.
• Renoir (the restaurant at the Sofitel) is a wonderful way to spend an hour eating summer (when the patio is open) or winter. It's less crowded and easier to get a table at than the other two. It has less unique charm admittedly but you won't go wrong here.

10:10 a.m. (or 11:30 if you've brunched at the hotel) Saturday Step out into the balmy, or chilly, or bracing, or brisk, or frigid, or sweltering air (you get all sorts in these latitudes), and follow the map below. Take your time, ramble, dig everything. If you spot something arresting, go and explore, we're not rushing anywhere (if the weather is truly appalling you are permitted to hop in a cab and instruct your driver to bring you to Laurier and Saint Laurant or one of several brunching locations which I will recommend below):

• Beauty's Luncheonette is the correct choice particularly if you are a first-time visitor to the city. Opened in 1942, there are few institutions more splendid or representative of the fundamental role Montreal's Jewry continue to play in shaping the city's identity. The city's most beloved author, Mordecai Richler grew up in the row houses along Saint Urbain along which Beauty's is located. The original owner and proprietor Hymie Sckolnick was still welcoming guests and dropping off the occaional plate when I started going there in 2010 (he passed away at the ripe age of 96 in 2017). The family still runs the place. If you aspire to be a hero, please order the Super Beauty's II. For an equally appropriate if less ambitious meal, attempt the smoked salmon bagel but you can't miss with anything on that most divine of menus.
• Fabergé: I would go so far as to call this place fairly hipster. The food is excellent and they provide a range of ambitious Benedicts.
• Leméac is a restaurant which simply reeks of class. It is far and away the most upscale of Outremont's (the posh Francophone neighborhood to the west of the Plateau) French Bistros. The brunching is fantastic as is dinner if you're in the mood for one of the city's best wine lists and seared foie gras.
• Café Olimpico describes itself as an "authentic Italian cafe in the heart of Montreal" and it is. At least they dish out proper first-wave coffee and old Italians prattling on about soccer abound.
• Café in Gamba is a very solid option for third-wave coffee, espresso, and flat-whites. If you just want a latté and a croissant to peck at, look no further.

12:30 p.m. Saturday Sated by another splendid meal, you are ready to have your ramble through the Plateau. The (brilliant) map below highlights the key East-West streets of interest (Laurier, Fairmont, St-Viateur, and Bernard). There a lot of things to eat (Fairmont and St-Viateur bagels are the final word), drink (Bar Waverly is charming as is Brasserie Dieu de Ciel which makes the best beer in the province), and some elegant retail along Laurier. One shop worth stopping in at is Jeans Jeans Jeans. The whole thing is a spectacle and you are certain to walk about with a perfectly fitting pair of dungarees.

Late Afternoon Saturday You've eaten, flaneured, and I hope have had a glass of something cheerful. The time has come for a restorative slumber before more decadent behavior. So wander back down Avenue du Parc to your holel and close your eyes. We're not done yet.

6:45 p.m. Saturday You awoke feeling contented if a little groggy and tumbled yourself into the shower (or better yet into a bath filled with mineral salts and steaming water). You have soaped, rinsed, and toweled the body, given the teeth a thorough scrubbing, and have crawled back on top of your duvet. This is what they call in rock climbing the "crux move". You would be well within your rights to call the concierge and beg them to seat you for dinner at the bar or restaurant downstairs. You may even be contemplating an act as craven as ordering up room service and a bottle of fizz before turning in. You deserve it.

But this is not the advice I'd give you. Summon up the blood, march boldly into the hotel bar and fortify yourself for another culinary triumph. While last night we headed south and west, tonight I would send you east to either the Old Port or back to the Plateau. You will not be disappointed by any of the following.

• Le Filet is option 1A. It is a seafood-forward French menu with whiff of Japanese influence without coming anywhere close to the appalling sin of fusion. The service is amiable and attentive. The Burgundian wine list is elevated. Their signature cocktail la Piscine is the perfect opener. If you've made a beast of yourself at one of the Joe Beef properties last night, the meal you will have at Le Filet is refinement itself.
• L'Express for me, this is Option 1B. It is very different than Le Filet. Simply, its the best French bistro outside of France. The wine list is among the best in the city and they play all the hits (tartare de boeuf, foie de veau, croque-monsieur, hanger steak, and much more). The service is snobby but if you're as much of a hapless Francophile as myself a bit of rude condescension from the server produces a not unpleasant frisson.
• Main Publique, a bit of a hike but if you want to double-down on Liverpool House style decadent French-Canadian genius, this is where you should go. Derek Dammann is somewhat famous and trained under Pierre Kaufman (who has on at least one occasion turned up to make his famous pig's trotters).
• Club Chasse et Peche is charm itself. If you've been dying to go to the Old Port and want paneled walls and a game-inspired menu, look no further.
• Le Serpent is somewhat low key relative to the others I'd recomend. The restaurant is in an ultra chique industrial space in the Old Port. Their pastas are delicious.

10:30 p.m. Saturday You have completed your final supper of this most splendid of weekends and are wondering where you might go for "the last one".

• Datcha is a Russian themed bar and discotech in the Plateau (perhaps not for the faint of heart). There is a vodka bar inside the night club where I'd suggest you make your way if you'd like to sit down and chew the fat. If your feet are burning to be on a dance floor, enjoy the smoke machines, transcendent house music, and stygian darkness of the main room. It is a daring thing you do.
• Velvet is a splendid if notorious speakeasy in the Old Port. You'll want to make inquiries about ahead of time as the line can be unbearable and will often fill up to capacity.
• Philemon is another solid option in the Old Port: far less louche than Velvet and a fine watering hole for those with a thirst.

10:24 a.m. Sunday You very well may wish to go home now. Depending on when your flight is, I'd recommend a saunter back into Saint-Henri and a square meal. In what I assure you will be the last of my mouth-watering lists, think about the following for a final bite in this best of food towns.

• Boustan is the quintessential Montreal schwarma spot. Try the Creation pita or falafel pita. There are several of them though the original on Crescent Street remains the discerning choice.
• Arthur's Nosh Bar is in the very heart of Saint Henri and can be paired with a charming walk along Notre-Dame from the intersection at Atwater. They serve a kind of chi-chi-fied version of Eastern European brunch (which is admittedly fantastic especially the Schnitzel).
• L'Avenue falls squarely in the decadent category. They have hover a dozen kinds of eggs benedict. If you're looking for a kind of American style "big breakfast" you'll be happy that you stopped in. This is also on Notre-Dame.
• Cafe Saint-Henri produces the best espresso in the city. They also have an array of pastries if you're looking for a more Parisian breakfast.

1:30 p.m. Sunday You pull away from downtown south towards Vermont if you drove up from Boston or New York. If flying, you'll be heading west towards Trudeau. Sufficiently caffeinated to make the voyage home in safety, you are content (if also sleepy and more than a little overfed).

À bientôt.